Category / How to Release Guilt

by Coach Wendy

How to Say No: A Guide for People Pleasers

Do you find that it is easy to prioritize everyone else’s needs over your own? And when you do, do you notice that it leaves you feeling drained and guilty? When is the last time you thought about taking time for yourself? If any of this sounds familiar, chances are you might be a people-pleaser. Not to worry; you’re not alone! And, you can turn things around and lean into taking care of yourself. In this article, we will explore people pleasing and discover how to embrace self-care without feeling guilty. Ready? Let’s go!

The Problem: The Burden of People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is something many of us do, often without even realizing it. We want to make others happy, and that’s a beautiful intention! But when it starts to take a toll on your own happiness, it’s time to take a step back. Here are a few signs you might be a people pleaser:

  • Always Saying Yes: Even when your plate is full, or when you are sick or exhausted you find it hard to say no.
  • Feeling Responsible for Others’ Happiness: You believe it’s your job to make everyone around you feel good.
  • Neglecting Your Own Needs: Your own desires and health often come last.

Can you identify yourself in any of these signs? While being kind and accommodating is wonderful, this habit can lead to burnout and resentment. When you finally think about putting yourself first, that pesky guilt can creep in, making you worry about how others will react.

The Guilt Trap

Feeling guilty about wanting to take care of yourself is very common, especially among people pleasers. This guilt might show up in a couple of different ways:

  • Fear of Disapproval: You might worry that others will judge you for putting yourself first.
  • Internal Conflict: You feel torn between your needs and what others expect from you.
  • Self-Criticism: You might tell yourself you’re being selfish for even considering taking care of your needs.

What ways does guilt show up for you? Can you see how this internal tug-of-war can be exhausting?! Ready for some good news? Prioritizing your well-being is not only okay; it’s essential!

The Importance of Recognizing People-Pleasing

Let’s first take a look at recognizing the signs that you are a people-pleaser. It’s important to recognize your patterns around people-pleasing so that you can take up space & receive without shame or judgement. Recognizing your patterns around people-pleasing is also vital for your mental and emotional health. It allows you to understand the impact it has on your life and relationships. The downfalls of not changing your behavior can include:

  • Burnout: Constantly catering to others can leave you feeling exhausted and depleted.
  • Resentment: Over time, neglecting your own needs can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment towards those you’ve tried to please.
  • Loss of Identity: Focusing solely on others can make you lose sight of your own desires and passions. Until little by little, piece by piece, you lose yourself.

Are you experiencing any of these symptoms? If you are, deciding to take care of yourself is a significant step toward reclaiming your happiness and well-being. It’s about recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Embracing Self-Care

When you prioritize self-care, it’s important to remember that not everyone will understand or react positively. In fact, they may even try to sabotage your efforts. Some may feel disappointed or confused when you start putting yourself first. But here’s the thing: So what? Their feelings are not your responsibility. You owe no one an explanation for choosing to care for yourself.

Incorporating relaxation tools into your self-care routine can be incredibly beneficial. For instance, using an aromatherapy diffuser can help create a calming atmosphere in your space. This diffuser not only fills your home with soothing scents but also promotes relaxation and mindfulness. You can check it out here.

By embracing self-care, you’re not only enhancing your own life but also setting a positive example for those around you. Remember, you train those around you how you wish to be treated. And – when you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to support others without feeling drained.

Can you see how prioritizing your well-being is essential for living a fulfilling life? Consider this – what is your next best step towards saying yes to yourself?

In love & light,

by Coach Wendy

What Jennifer Learned When She Burned Out

It was the summer of 2023, and Jennifer was a nervous wreck. Her mother’s health had been deteriorating for years, but she stubbornly refused to take it seriously. Jennifer would constantly nag her to see a doctor, eat better, and take care of herself, but her mother would just brush her off.

Watching her mother’s health decline was taking a massive toll on Jennifer’s own mental and emotional well-being. She was constantly worried, anxious, and stressed, trying to find ways to get her mother to take better care of herself. It felt like Jennifer was fighting a losing battle, and the weight of it all was crushing her.

As her daughter, Jennifer felt a deep sense of responsibility to help her mother, but she wasn’t making it easy. Her mother would get defensive whenever Jennifer brought it up, and it often led to arguments and strained their relationship. Jennifer felt powerless, frustrated, and resentful that her mother wasn’t taking her health more seriously. The harsh reality hit her: “If you don’t deal with your mother, your mother will deal with you.”

It wasn’t until Jennifer experienced burnout that she realized she needed to take a different approach. She had to learn to let go of the control and focus on her own well-being first. Jennifer sought out help, which lead her to me. Through my coaching, Jennifer was able to develop coping strategies and set healthier boundaries with her mother.

Jennifer also realized that she couldn’t force her mother to change; her mother had to make that decision for herself. So, instead of nagging and lecturing, Jennifer started having open and honest conversations with her. She expressed her concerns, and also detached herself from the outcome.

Gradually, Jennifer noticed that she wasn’t ruminating about her mother and the bad decisions she was making.

Can you see the difference it may make for you to take care of yourself first? Can you see how your life would be different if you were to seek out the support you need, set boundaries, and have open and empathetic conversations? You can’t control their actions, but you can control how you respond to them.

Share this to someone who needs to hear this today.

In love & light,

P.S. Are you ready to release the guilt? Click here to download your FREE Download of Journaling Prompts for Peace of Mind

by Coach Wendy

Armoring Yourself in Gratitude: How to Protect Yourself from Burnout

As a busy, professional woman juggling the demands of work, family, and caregiving, I know it’s all too easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched thin. Between the pressure to perform at your job, the needs of aging parents or a sick child, and the constant pull to be everything to everyone, do you find yourself exhausted, frustrated, and questioning your own self-worth?

What if I told you there’s a way to fortify yourself against the relentless onslaught of obligations and responsibilities? Would you want to know more about that? Well, here’s what I know for sure…… the antidote to burnout lies in cultivating a deep sense of appreciation.

Gratitude as a Protective Shield
Just as a knight’s armor shielded them from the blows of battle, gratitude can serve as a buffer against the stress and negativity that threatens to consume you. When you make a conscious effort to focus on what you’re thankful for, it shifts your perspective and helps you recognize the blessings in your life, even amidst the chaos.

This is especially important as you struggle with feelings of unworthiness or the pressure to be “selfless” at the expense of your own well-being. By donning the armor of gratitude, you give yourself permission to prioritize self-care without the guilt. After all, how can you pour from an empty cup?

Cultivating a Gratitude Practice
Building a gratitude practice doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as taking a few moments each day to jot down three things you’re grateful for, whether it’s the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the laughter of a loved one, or the beautiful sunset you witnessed on your commute home.

For a more structured approach, I invite you to check out my Self-Care Sanctuary Journal. This 30-day journaling program offers daily prompts and reflections to help you cultivate a deep sense of appreciation and inner peace, even in the midst of life’s challenges.

By donning the armor of gratitude, you’ll not only protect yourself from burnout but also create the mental space and clarity to tackle your to-do list with renewed energy and focus. So, the next time you feel the weight of the world pressing down on you, remember to reach for your gratitude shield and let it fortify you for the journey ahead.

In love & light,

by Coach Wendy

A Man On The Inside Gets It All Right

#AManOnTheInside

Watching this show through the lens of a daughter whose mother has been in a care setting for 13 plus years, I can see that the writers of A Man On the Inside have done their homework.

✔️ Daughter grappling with her strained relationship with her dad and coping with her mother’s death oh and trying to balance work, a husband and three children.

✔️ The ever evolving dichotomy of the parent/child and child/parent dynamic.

✔️ Children not being there enough because they are busy – however you see yourself in this. I noticed myself a few times here, to be honest.

✔️ Gossip spreads faster in a ‘community’ than anywhere else in the world.

When your parent moves into a ‘community’ it brings up a LOT of emotions – not just for them. It brings up a LOT of emotions for you, too.

✔️ The feeling of needing to care for everyone else before caring for yourself.

✔️ Caring for your parent, for your children, working full time and still having time for your partner.

✔️ Exhaustion and wresting with the whole crazy part of it all.

✔️ Overwhelm and wishing you had peace of mind.

Having peace of mind is something you can have and your next best step to it is by grabbing your FREE Journal WITH 30 days of Journaling Prompts

Find out in 30 days what your life will look like when you are able to release all guilt, let go of worry, find balance and be present.

In love & light,

by Coach Wendy

How to Find Time to Take Care of YOU ……….. Without Feeling Guilty

What if you could stop feeling so torn? What if the guilt subsided (even if it doesn’t completely go away)?

This is possible for you! If you desire to feel less exhausted, frustrated, and guilty while looking after a loved one(s), I invite you to take a step toward reclaiming time for you.

What’s Required from You?

  1. Set Boundaries: Clearly define your personal time and communicate it to your family. You are training your loved ones to treat you how you wish to be treated.
  2. Schedule “Me Time”: Block out specific times in your calendar for self-care activities, whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply relaxing.
  3. Practice Mindfulness: Take a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness or meditation. This can help reduce feelings of guilt and center your thoughts.
  4. Ask for Help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your frustrations with a community who understands can alleviate some of the pressure.
  5. Prioritize Small Self-Care Moments: Even short breaks can be rejuvenating. Enjoy a cup of tea, take a walk, or going outside and hugging a tree—these moments matter.
  6. Reframe Your Thoughts: Remind yourself that taking care of yourself enables you to be a better caregiver. Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. You matter just as much as the people you are taking care of.
  7. Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate everything – even something that seems small. What we focus on grows. Leaning into gratitude brings more into your life to be grateful for and shifts your mindset.

Taking these steps can help you reclaim your time and enjoy your relationship with your loved ones without the burden of guilt. You deserve to care for yourself as much as you care for others!

In love & light,

P.S. Curious how you can find the time to take care of you……….without feeling guilty?

Click here to access 3 Easy Steps to Have Time to Care for Yourself – without the guilt!