Did you know that 10,000 U.S. Baby Boomers turn 65 each day?
And that by 2050, the U.S. population of older adults will have nearly doubled, to 83.7 million people?
(Source – Harvard Business Review)
Why is this important? Why does this matter to you?
Because my friends, the ‘Silver Tsunami’ is here.
It matters because taking care of your aging parents will fall squarely on your shoulders.
Looking after your aging parent while running your business. It’s going to be another layer added to your life.
What can you do?
What if I told you that you CAN add caring for your aging parents into your life and that you would also be able to run your business?
I’m here to tell you that you can. I’ve been successfully taking care of my mom for the past 11 years while running a successful coaching practice.
If I can do it, you can do it.
I’ve helped other entrepreneurs who are also taking care of their aging parents to also have thriving businesses.
If they can do it, you can too.
Stick with me and I’ll tell you how😉
Your next best step is to download your Surviving & Thriving Steps for Business Owning Caregivers so that you know exactly how to add taking care of an aging parent into your life – without disrupting your business! Here’s the link https://coach-wendy.com/boc1-html
“You know the poops going to hit the fan sooner or later,” that’s what I hear from talking with women who own their own business AND take care of an aging parent.
Which is why in this situation it is so helpful to learn from other’s perspectives and to feel like you aren’t alone.
“That constant tug.”
“It’s just there.”
It’s important to talk about these feelings because what’s happening when you are worried about the shit hitting the fan is you lose focus.
It happened to Valerie who runs her own bookkeeping business. She found that when she was at work, she worried about her mom. When she was with her mom, she was worried about work.
As a result, her time at work was fractured and because it was fractured, she wasn’t enrolling new clients.
When she was able to share her fears and worry with a community of women just like her – business owners, caring for an aging parent, that’s when she was able to focus on her work which meant enrolling new clients to keep her business profitable. Not to mention that now when she’s with her mom, she’s totally focused on her – and enjoys the time they spend together.
Can you relate?
Join me on Friday, March 31st at 2 cst/12 pst as we gather as a community of women business owners who are caring for an aging parent.
We will be talking about what to do when the shit hits the fan. Hint: turn the fan off (we’ll be talking about that – turning the fan off.)😉
And since we are all business owners, expect some networking – that always happens in these gatherings too.
Time and again what I hear from business owning caregivers is that they wish they had the steps, the success formulas on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing so it doesn’t interfere with their business.
Let’s imagine this – What if you had that? What if I you had the steps, success formulas on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing and so it doesn’t interfere with your business?
What if I told you that everything will be all right? Everyone is on the same page, you can concentrate on your business and it’s okay. What would that do for you?
Would you get more massages so that you can recharge? Slow down so that you can focus and make right decisions? Find chunks of time to focus so that you can concentrate on your business?
When that exists in your business life and personal life, what will be happening as a result? Would you be enjoying financial security by keeping existing clients going, marketing, developing a new program or coaching project? Have peace of mind?
What are those steps, those success formulas? And more importantly how do you slow down and make the right decisions so that you can find chunks of time to focus?
Some of those steps, those success formulas look like:
A support system of people who get it. People who have been there.
A structured way to integrate self-care.
Work specifically on guilt so that you can recharge.
A strategy for discerning the most important things that you need to be doing to move the needle.
To know what’s coming by having the dialogue to have the conversation and get the information.
How to harness the power of gratitude for who you are becoming as a result of the giving you do.
Comment below – what will it look like for you to have the steps on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing so it doesn’t interfere with your business?
P.S. Everything will be all right. And if you want to know more about how you can have the systems, tips, strategies to not feel guilty, concentrate on your business and keep all the balls in the air then check out this program 👉https://coach-wendy.coachesconsole.com/boc
Camp #1: They tell me that because they are meeting the demands of their loved one that their own blood pressure has been up, life is crazy and they have a list of things to be done and they are crabby because they are tired and that crabbiness goes right to their spouse so they are fighting.
And in their next breath they say something like, “It’s working for now, I think I’m okay and not really in need of help.”
As a result, they are struggling to make a living, filing for divorce and are being admitted to the hospital for a panic attack due to the stress of caring for parents (in one case) and a stroke (in another case). No joke.
Is this you? Have you made the same, to me, contradictory statements even though you are suffering financially, emotionally and your health (mental and physical) is suffering?
Camp #2: I also talk with a lot of individuals who do not want to be caregivers – and yet they are. They are struggling with the same things as camp #1 – how to keep the peace, how to make time, that constant tug. And they won’t admit that they are struggling.
From them, I hear “If I was closer to it”, “Everything’s all right”, and “If anything changes, “l’ll contact you.”
Is this you? Have you made the same, to me anyway, contradictory statements?
In both camps, I talk with a lot of caregivers who are tired and exhausted. Looking to find chunks of time to focus and never expecting to be doing this at this part of their life.
This makes me wonder. What feels good about saying ‘everything’s all right’ and being in this on your own?
Saying yes, I need help opens the door to – thriving financially, like my client Sally. No longer fighting and now flirting with her husband, like my client Lauren. To get the gold back into her golden years, like my client Joslyn.
Which path do you choose?
Path #1: Saying that ‘It’s working’, while you are going under and drowning?
Path #2: Walking step by step through a successful formula with someone that’s been there and done it? (Me!)
I got a call from Shelley at my mom’s retirement community at 1:10 p.m. Friday while eating lunch on my way out of town and heading toward vacation with my husband.
“There’s been an outbreak of Covid.’
“Has mom been tested?” was my first question. “Yes, and she’s negative.”
“We are asking that you try to stay away from the home while we have active Covid cases,” Shelley said.
“Well, I said, that’s no problem since I’m on vacation and out of state.”
That and I know that mom and I have our communication game strong since she has two Amazon Alexa Show’s (screens) AND as a backup she has her iPad and knows how to FaceTime. Pretty proud of my 86 year old tech savvy momma.
We continue on vacation.
Monday morning I got the call. 6:45 a.m. from the home. “This cannot be good,” was my first thought as I saw the number flash across the screen followed by, “Oh s&*t she probably has Covid.”
“This is Londa. When I went to check on your mom this morning, she had kleenex everywhere and she smelled of vicks vaporub. I tested her. Your mom has Covid.”
Shit. (That’s really the only word that’ll work here folks).
I’m the type of person that when the shit hits the fan, I go into doing mode. Anyone else resonate with that? For better or for worse, I have to “do” something.
My intuition told me to get her on the Plaxvoid (or whatever it’s called – the drug to help you recover from Covid) asap. Logged into her doctors portal, sent a message – can you prescribe this? Called her doctor when they opened with the same question. Friends, for many different reasons, it took two days before mom had this medication🤦🏻♀️
In the midst of all of this, I was on vacation. And I really wanted and needed a vacation. So at that time, I was walking a tightrope of ‘both and’. Calling around to get that medication delivered. Dropping in to Alexa to check on mom. Getting back into the space of vacation.
It worked. Mom got the medication, she thankfully had mild symptoms (thank you vaccines) and I got my very much needed vacation.
What made me successful? (And what can you takeaway from this to make yourself successful?)
Having a way to see mom and communicate with her.
Knowing she was well taken care of.
I knew where the nearest airport was at all times. Kind of like when on an airplane, when you know where all of the exits are, you’re good!
Giving myself permission to enjoy my vacation. (That should probably go at the top of this list)
What can you take and apply to your current situation? Let me know by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are ready to live a life free from frustration and fear, click here to book your Freedom & Happiness for Caregivers discovery call.
If you feel resentful you are not alone. Many caregivers feel this way. Many of us feel resentful toward our spouse, loved one, family, friends – and many resent their circumstances.
And you don’t have to feel this way.
You have the power to choose to shift away from that feeling and to make another choice.
This is important because resentment changes who you are. Many of my clients say yes to coaching because they find themselves becoming someone they no longer recognize.
What can you do to shift away from feeling resentful?
◦ First, get clear and be honest with yourself about what or who you are feeling resentful toward. When you are clear then you can move forward.
◦ Second, why do you feel resentful?
◦ Third, and this is my favorite, write down 50 ways to have peace of mind. They can be ridiculous and make no sense – the goal here is to get you thinking outside of the box. When you do, you will find at least one way to have peace of mind and presence. Goodbye resentment!
By the way, during our Sliver of Light Membership Club Support Group meetings we talk about resentment – and so much more.
Mark your calendar for Thursday, May 26th at 10:30 a.m. cst and join us for an hour so that you can replace some of the background processing into peace of mind and presence so that you can experience less stress, less regret, and more joy.
In our FB Community, The Caregivers Collective, the community brought up:
I don’t see myself as caregiver
Can I consider myself a caregiver?
What makes a caregiver?
What’s our definition?
What came out of this conversation is that individuals have trouble being called a caregiver because they don’t feel like they meet the criteria. They feel that they are not there enough, and to them that they are not doing much.
The thing is they begin to see that the things that they DO do as counting. And in some cases, it is 100% doable from anywhere.
From this conversation what came up was when they went looking and asking themselves, ‘What do I do?’, ‘What do I need to do?’, and then seeing that they have a function that is critical in the care. Like supporting other family and friends and their loved one in decision making and having their back.
I’ve been reading “Take Your Oxygen First” by Leeza Gibbons. This paragraph struck me⇩
“…….there can be a great deal of shame and stigma attached to the idea of caregiving. Caregivers are often described as ‘martyrs’ and ‘victims’. To many, caregiving is often associated with codependency, a mental health challenge in which a person cares too much for another’s struggles, often enabling bad behavior in the one being cared for. These associations cause caregivers to avoid being labeled a ‘caregiver’ and, as a result, they fail to seek help for themselves.”
Excerpt from “Take Your Oxygen First”
In particular, this quote⇩
……..’Cause caregivers to avoid being labeled a ‘caregiver’ and, as a result, they fail to seek help for themselves’
Why does how you define yourself matter? I see this over and over again. When you don’t define yourself as a caregiver, you fail to seek help. When you fail to seek help, you suffer. When you suffer, your loved one also suffers.
What to do about it?
What if you defined yourself as a caregiver so that you sought the help and support you need? What would you be experiencing as a result of having that support and help?
This is a much bigger conversation. Let’s continue it together. Post your comments below.
‘Mom’s going to run out of money’! Has this thought ever entered your mind? It has for me and for many caregivers.
‘Will long term care insurance pay for mom’s care?,” was what I wondered early on (fun fact – it didn’t).
Other caregivers have said that they want their mom cared for at a certain level and they know that her money will not sustain that level long term. I worry about this too.
Finally, like many caregivers, I treasure my lifestyle. And like others, if I needed to I would kick in the funds to sustain her level of care – but to be honest, I really don’t want to have to do that.
What to do?
First, give yourself grace. Just because you are worried about mom not having enough money to pay for her care does not mean that you are being selfish. Quite the contrary. You are being honest and forward thinking.
Speaking of honest and forward thinking – there are many ways to get a handle on our loved ones finances so that we, the caregivers, feel more secure.
I’m not a financial advisor (dear gawd far from it!) I am only the daughter of an 86 year old mother that wants the best care for her and to make sure that she has enough funds to sustain that level of care.
A few things that I’ve done to help me to feel more secure in managing mom’s funds:
Know what your mom has to work with. Banking, stocks, investments, insurance.
Reach out for assistance. AARP is a great resource. For me connecting with a senior care specialist was super helpful.
Keep a budget for your loved one.
Reach out to your loved one’s financial advisor, if they have one.
Money is the most stressful, un-fun part of being a caregiver. And the struggle with it is something we all have in common as caregivers.
Surrounding yourself with others that are also struggling with the frustrations of making sure there is enough money for their loved ones care also helps.