You can concentrate on your business and it’s okay.

Time and again what I hear from business owning caregivers is that they wish they had the steps, the success formulas on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing so it doesn’t interfere with their business.

Let’s imagine this – What if you had that? What if I you had the steps, success formulas on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing and so it doesn’t interfere with your business?

What if I told you that everything will be all right? Everyone is on the same page, you can concentrate on your business and it’s okay. What would that do for you?

Would you get more massages so that you can recharge? Slow down so that you can focus and make right decisions? Find chunks of time to focus so that you can concentrate on your business?

More massages in your life…………ahhhhhhhh.

When that exists in your business life and personal life, what will be happening as a result? Would you be enjoying financial security by keeping existing clients going, marketing, developing a new program or coaching project? Have peace of mind?

What are those steps, those success formulas? And more importantly how do you slow down and make the right decisions so that you can find chunks of time to focus?

Some of those steps, those success formulas look like:

A support system of people who get it. People who have been there.

A structured way to integrate self-care.

Work specifically on guilt so that you can recharge.

A strategy for discerning the most important things that you need to be doing to move the needle.

To know what’s coming by having the dialogue to have the conversation and get the information.

How to harness the power of gratitude for who you are becoming as a result of the giving you do.

Comment below – what will it look like for you to have the steps on how to not feel guilty for doing the right thing so it doesn’t interfere with your business?

❤️Coach Wendy

P.S. Everything will be all right. And if you want to know more about how you can have the systems, tips, strategies to not feel guilty, concentrate on your business and keep all the balls in the air then check out this program 👉https://coach-wendy.coachesconsole.com/boc

How your mindset has you stuck in ‘everything’s all right’ when life is crazy and what to do about it.

I talk with a lot of caregivers. I see two camps:

Camp #1: They tell me that because they are meeting the demands of their loved one that their own blood pressure has been up, life is crazy and they have a list of things to be done and they are crabby because they are tired and that crabbiness goes right to their spouse so they are fighting.

And in their next breath they say something like, “It’s working for now, I think I’m okay and not really in need of help.”

As a result, they are struggling to make a living, filing for divorce and are being admitted to the hospital for a panic attack due to the stress of caring for parents (in one case) and a stroke (in another case). No joke.

Is this you? Have you made the same, to me, contradictory statements even though you are suffering financially, emotionally and your health (mental and physical) is suffering?

Camp #2: I also talk with a lot of individuals who do not want to be caregivers – and yet they are. They are struggling with the same things as camp #1 – how to keep the peace, how to make time, that constant tug. And they won’t admit that they are struggling.

From them, I hear “If I was closer to it”, “Everything’s all right”, and “If anything changes, “l’ll contact you.”

Is this you? Have you made the same, to me anyway, contradictory statements?

In both camps, I talk with a lot of caregivers who are tired and exhausted. Looking to find chunks of time to focus and never expecting to be doing this at this part of their life.

This makes me wonder. What feels good about saying ‘everything’s all right’ and being in this on your own?

Saying yes, I need help opens the door to – thriving financially, like my client Sally. No longer fighting and now flirting with her husband, like my client Lauren. To get the gold back into her golden years, like my client Joslyn.

Which path do you choose?

Path #1: Saying that ‘It’s working’, while you are going under and drowning?

Path #2: Walking step by step through a successful formula with someone that’s been there and done it? (Me!)

❤️Coach Wendy

P. S. Click here to schedule your Path to Freedom & Happiness for Caregivers Discovery call

4 Things to Do Before You Cancel Your Vacation When Your Loved One Gets Covid

I got a call from Shelley at my mom’s retirement community at 1:10 p.m. Friday while eating lunch on my way out of town and heading toward vacation with my husband.

I got the call right after I inhaled – oops – I mean enjoyed – this oversized pork tenderloin.

“There’s been an outbreak of Covid.’

Crap.

“Has mom been tested?” was my first question. “Yes, and she’s negative.”

Whew.

“We are asking that you try to stay away from the home while we have active Covid cases,” Shelley said.

“Well, I said, that’s no problem since I’m on vacation and out of state.”

That and I know that mom and I have our communication game strong since she has two Amazon Alexa Show’s (screens) AND as a backup she has her iPad and knows how to FaceTime. Pretty proud of my 86 year old tech savvy momma.

We continue on vacation.

Monday morning I got the call. 6:45 a.m. from the home. “This cannot be good,” was my first thought as I saw the number flash across the screen followed by, “Oh s&*t she probably has Covid.”

“This is Londa. When I went to check on your mom this morning, she had kleenex everywhere and she smelled of vicks vaporub. I tested her. Your mom has Covid.”

Shit. (That’s really the only word that’ll work here folks).

I’m the type of person that when the shit hits the fan, I go into doing mode. Anyone else resonate with that? For better or for worse, I have to “do” something.

My intuition told me to get her on the Plaxvoid (or whatever it’s called – the drug to help you recover from Covid) asap. Logged into her doctors portal, sent a message – can you prescribe this? Called her doctor when they opened with the same question. Friends, for many different reasons, it took two days before mom had this medication🤦🏻‍♀️

In the midst of all of this, I was on vacation. And I really wanted and needed a vacation. So at that time, I was walking a tightrope of ‘both and’. Calling around to get that medication delivered. Dropping in to Alexa to check on mom. Getting back into the space of vacation.

It worked. Mom got the medication, she thankfully had mild symptoms (thank you vaccines) and I got my very much needed vacation.

Relaxing at the Spa at the Hotel Hershey

What made me successful? (And what can you takeaway from this to make yourself successful?)

  1. Having a way to see mom and communicate with her.
  2. Knowing she was well taken care of.
  3. I knew where the nearest airport was at all times. Kind of like when on an airplane, when you know where all of the exits are, you’re good!
  4. Giving myself permission to enjoy my vacation. (That should probably go at the top of this list)

What can you take and apply to your current situation? Let me know by emailing me at coachwsbt@gmail.com

If you are ready to live a life free from frustration and fear, click here to book your Freedom & Happiness for Caregivers discovery call.

❤️Coach Wendy

3 Things to Do Before You Give Up

I did not think this peony that you see here would ever bloom.  In fact, I gave up.

Until one day, I noticed a bud!  And I keep watching and checking – every day.  And then one glorious day BAM!  There it was – and it was just bloomin’ beautiful.

Have you given up?

Not yet?  Good.  Because I’m about to share with you 3 simple things to do before you give up so that you can live in hope.  When you do, the world opens up to you in amazing ways.

Ready?  Let’s do this.

1) Visualize what you want the outcome to be.  

2) Ask for your ideal outcome and expect it.

3) Say, “Thank you.  More of this, please.”

Let me know when you try this.  What do you have to lose?  Better question – what do you have to gain?

Happy visualizing and creating your ideal life.

❤️Coach Wendy

If you are ready to live a life free from frustration and fear, click here to book your Freedom & Happiness for Caregivers discovery call.

Transform your resentment into peace of mind and presence

If you feel resentful you are not alone.  Many caregivers feel this way.  Many of us feel resentful toward our spouse, loved one, family, friends – and many resent their circumstances.

And you don’t have to feel this way.  

You have the power to choose to shift away from that feeling and to make another choice.

This is important because resentment changes who you are. Many of my clients say yes to coaching because they find themselves becoming someone they no longer recognize.

What can you do to shift away from feeling resentful?

◦ First, get clear and be honest with yourself about what or who you are feeling resentful toward. When you are clear then you can move forward.

◦ Second, why do you feel resentful?

◦ Third, and this is my favorite, write down 50 ways to have peace of mind. They can be ridiculous and make no sense – the goal here is to get you thinking outside of the box. When you do, you will find at least one way to have peace of mind and presence. Goodbye resentment!

By the way, during our Sliver of Light Membership Club Support Group meetings we talk about resentment – and so much more.

Mark your calendar for Thursday, May 26th at 10:30 a.m. cst and join us for an hour so that you can replace some of the background processing into peace of mind and presence so that you can experience less stress, less regret, and more joy.  

Click here to add your details and save your space.

How Your Mindset Has You Stuck in Having Trouble Being Called a ‘Caregiver’ And What to Do About It.

In our FB Community, The Caregivers Collective, the community brought up:

I don’t see myself as caregiver

Can I consider myself a caregiver? 

What makes a caregiver?

What’s our definition?

What came out of this conversation is that individuals have trouble being called a caregiver because they don’t feel like they meet the criteria. They feel that they are not there enough, and to them that they are not doing much.  

The thing is they begin to see that the things that they DO do as counting.  And in some cases, it is 100% doable from anywhere.  

From this conversation what came up was when they went looking and asking themselves, ‘What do I do?’, ‘What do I need to do?’, and then seeing that they have a function that is critical in the care.  Like supporting other family and friends and their loved one in decision making and having their back.  

I’ve been reading “Take Your Oxygen First” by Leeza Gibbons. This paragraph struck me⇩

“…….there can be a great deal of shame and stigma attached to the idea of caregiving. Caregivers are often described as ‘martyrs’ and ‘victims’. To many, caregiving is often associated with codependency, a mental health challenge in which a person cares too much for another’s struggles, often enabling bad behavior in the one being cared for. These associations cause caregivers to avoid being labeled a ‘caregiver’ and, as a result, they fail to seek help for themselves.”

Excerpt from “Take Your Oxygen First”

In particular, this quote⇩

……..’Cause caregivers to avoid being labeled a ‘caregiver’ and, as a result, they fail to seek help for themselves’

Why does how you define yourself matter? I see this over and over again. When you don’t define yourself as a caregiver, you fail to seek help. When you fail to seek help, you suffer. When you suffer, your loved one also suffers.

What to do about it?

What if you defined yourself as a caregiver so that you sought the help and support you need? What would you be experiencing as a result of having that support and help?

This is a much bigger conversation. Let’s continue it together. Post your comments below.

❤️Coach Wendy

Mom’s going to run out of money

‘Mom’s going to run out of money’! Has this thought ever entered your mind? It has for me and for many caregivers.

‘Will long term care insurance pay for mom’s care?,” was what I wondered early on (fun fact – it didn’t).

Other caregivers have said that they want their mom cared for at a certain level and they know that her money will not sustain that level long term. I worry about this too.

Finally, like many caregivers, I treasure my lifestyle. And like others, if I needed to I would kick in the funds to sustain her level of care – but to be honest, I really don’t want to have to do that.

What to do?

First, give yourself grace. Just because you are worried about mom not having enough money to pay for her care does not mean that you are being selfish. Quite the contrary. You are being honest and forward thinking.

Speaking of honest and forward thinking – there are many ways to get a handle on our loved ones finances so that we, the caregivers, feel more secure.

I’m not a financial advisor (dear gawd far from it!) I am only the daughter of an 86 year old mother that wants the best care for her and to make sure that she has enough funds to sustain that level of care.

A few things that I’ve done to help me to feel more secure in managing mom’s funds:

  1. Know what your mom has to work with. Banking, stocks, investments, insurance.
  2. Ask questions.
  3. Reach out for assistance. AARP is a great resource. For me connecting with a senior care specialist was super helpful.
  4. Keep a budget for your loved one.
  5. Reach out to your loved one’s financial advisor, if they have one.

Money is the most stressful, un-fun part of being a caregiver. And the struggle with it is something we all have in common as caregivers.

Surrounding yourself with others that are also struggling with the frustrations of making sure there is enough money for their loved ones care also helps.

That’s one reason I created the Caregivers Collective Community. Join us as we support each other as caregivers – here’s the link http://www.facebook.com/groups/caregiverscollective/

❤️Coach Wendy

Did you know I did this thing?

You may have noticed that I’m shifting the way I serve you.

I know, right? 

Let’s get this official!

Over almost two years now, as you know, I’ve ‘switched my niche’ over to caregiver coaching. One of the reasons I’ve loved doing that is because of seeing how detrimental it is for caregivers, sacrificing their health and sometimes their lives, to care for a loved one.  Like my dad did for his mother.  We lost him way too early because he put his health on hold to care for her.

Way back in the beginning of the pandemic is when I looked inside and realized that caregivers are who I want to support.  So I ran with it!

I’m here today to announce to you and explain that is what I did and that is who I serve – since August of 2020 (you know, the lost year) and I’m just getting around to tell you 🤦🏻‍♀️.  When I get really excited about something and just know in my gut this is what the universe is telling me to do, I run with it – and explain later!

Let me ask you this question:
Do you know individuals that are up to their eyeballs struggling with caring for a loved one and noticing that they are becoming a person they don’t recognize?  Bitter, angry & resentful? Well through my coaching, I’m helping them to get back to being themselves again.

I was so excited about this new opportunity that I realized that I forgot to explain it to you.  I know that with how I’m focusing my efforts, I will be able to make a big impact in this world doing the work that I absolutely love.

In fact, I have a free resource that you may find beneficial: It’s a Self-Care Checklist for Caregivers.

Just click the link to add your details and you can download this PDF right away.  Along with it tips and resources will follow and I also share some pitfalls and how to avoid them.

Especially during these times that we’re living in right now, it’s more important than ever that you take care of yourself so that your caregiving is easier and so that you can live in peace.

Please also feel free to pass this message along to other caregivers that you know would love to overcome the guilt and finally, experience peace.

❤️Coach Wendy

P.S. If this describes you and you want to book a Guilt Free & Happy discovery call so we can get you moving in the right direction.  Just click on my calendar link and let’s book a time together so you can get started today!

Ranting is encouraged

As a caregiver, ranting is encouraged for your mental health.

And I also know that ranting to someone who isn’t a caregiver and doesn’t understand what you are up against results in ‘the look’. You know what I’m talking about, right?

It’s frustrating being a caregiver. And sometimes you lose your patience and then spiral into guilt and shame.

To avoid this, finding a community to rant to is the key.

Who can you rant to? Take a look at your friends, your family, co-workers and find those that are also caregivers. ‘Can we talk?’, is the first step.

And I invite you to join our Facebook community, The Caregivers Collective where ranting is encouraged as is community, support and resources.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/caregiverscollective/

I’ll see you on the inside.

❤️Coach Wendy

Even if guilt is trying to overtake you

As I was talking with someone about why I do what I do just a few weeks ago, I realized a reason that I had kept buried and was unaware of – at least on the surface.

My dad is my why. I can remember my dad coming home from my grandmother’s (his mother), who lived next door, tired, hungry and just wanting to spend time with my mom and me. He is just walking through the back door and grandma calls. He has to go back.

My mom didn’t tell me this until I was older, but my dad was taking my grandmother’s prescription pain medication – for who knows how long. After my grandmother passed away, dad finally went to his doctor for the pain. It was too late and the cancer was too far gone.

Me (how do you like the babushka?) with my dad holding me and standing next to my Grandma B.

Reflecting back on this and on what I’ve noticed with caregivers, is that caregivers put themselves ‘dead last’. I’ve heard that term before and just got it now. Jesus.

My dad is only one of the caregivers that I have known that put their physical health last for their parents, loved ones, children.

What I know is this – if you are reading this, your loved one is well cared for. They are good. I say this because I know you, the reader. You put yourself last. You are focused on making sure that your loved one has everything they need. What if you put that same focus on yourself? Go ahead. Your loved one is good because I know the high degree to which you care for them. Even if guilt is trying to overtake you.

“Caring for them is all consuming,” someone has said. It can be if you let it. What would it take for you to take care of you?

What if you said, now hang in here with me here, “no” to them sometimes? And not saying the word to them, unless you need to, and saying no in your mind to them?

For an example, say your mom says she needs tea. She’s out. Instead of dropping everything and running to the store, say that you will get it for her, and do not rush out to the store to buy it. Add it to your grocery list and next time you go to the store, get it. Now that you’ve done that, you’ve freed up some time for yourself. What will you do with that time – for you?

What will you say no to so that you can say yes to yourself?

Remember that you are doing your best – and are also going above and beyond for your loved one.

❤️Coach Wendy

P.S. I am on a mission to empower 10,000 individuals that are up to their eyeballs in caring for an aging loved one to continue being themselves without guilt and stand in their power using coaching and a simple step-by-step path. Join us at The Caregivers Collective www.facebook.com/groups/caregiverscollective/