Tag / Boundaries

by Coach Wendy

Why Self-Care Seems So Impossible 🥵 AND How You Can Change That ✅

Are you someone who is so overwhelmed with work, aging parents and children that you don’t take time for yourself?    Are you screaming YES to me?

This brings up a question that I get all of the time:

1. Why does it seem so impossible at times?

Well first, as women, we have been conditioned by the patriarchy (F that!) to prioritize the needs of others before our own.  We know this is absolute rubbish and we are fighting back – again.

Then we have the pressure we impose on ourselves.  Do you ever notice yourself saying, “I’m fine” or “I’ve got this”.   We think we can add one more thing to our already overloaded plate and then before you know it, your shrimp slips off to the floor.  And you really like shrimp. (Thank you Elaine for that analogy!)

The feeling of it being impossible shows up as a result of:

  • Overcommitment: Taking on too many responsibilities can leave little room for self-care.   (Full plate, shrimp on floor)
  • Guilt: Many of us feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves, believing it’s selfish to step away.  (F that!)
  • Lack of Support: By not saying, “I need help.  Go do _________” it leads to all of these responsibilities piling up on YOU.

So you step out of that scenario and you decide to treat yourself to some aspect of self care.  Only to have this question show up:

2. Why does it seem like when I make a new commitment to self-care, it gets sabotaged?

First, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  When you decide to prioritize yourself and self-care, it’s common to encounter setbacks. Here are some reasons why your commitment to putting yourself first gets sabotaged:

  • Unexpected Responsibilities: Life is unpredictable, and new obligations are constantly popping up with no warning, pushing self-care to the back burner.
  • Internal Resistance: Sometimes, the desire to care for others can overshadow personal needs, leading to self-sabotage.
  • Plain old Sabotage: When you make a change, those around you see that as a threat.  As a threat, they will do whatever they can (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally) to go back to the way things used to be so that it is comfortable for them. 

There is good news though!  While the setbacks are real, there are effective strategies to help you reclaim your time and power:

1. Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with family members. Communicate your needs and the importance of self-care to those you support. This might mean designating specific times for personal activities or saying no to additional commitments that don’t serve your well-being.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Make self-care non-negotiable. Schedule it into your calendar just like any other important commitment. This could be as simple as taking a daily walk, practicing mindfulness, or doing something that brings you joy.  Do you remember joy?

3. Create a Support Network

Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand and are in a similar situation. Sharing experiences and resources can lighten the load and provide encouragement.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling can help center your thoughts and reduce stress, making it easier to focus on your needs.

➡️ To get started, Download Your FREE 8 Days of Journaling Prompts for Peace of Mind here.⬅️

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in your journey toward balance. Whether it’s a successful day of self-care or a moment of relaxation, recognizing these achievements can motivate you to continue prioritizing your well-being.

Here’s the thing.  Finding balance is undeniably challenging, AND it is not impossible. Now that you understand what might get in your way  and begin implementing simple strategies, you canreclaim your time and nurture yourself.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.

In love & light,  

P.S.  Share this on to a friend who needs support ➡️🩷 

by Coach Wendy

How to Say No: A Guide for People Pleasers

Do you find that it is easy to prioritize everyone else’s needs over your own? And when you do, do you notice that it leaves you feeling drained and guilty? When is the last time you thought about taking time for yourself? If any of this sounds familiar, chances are you might be a people-pleaser. Not to worry; you’re not alone! And, you can turn things around and lean into taking care of yourself. In this article, we will explore people pleasing and discover how to embrace self-care without feeling guilty. Ready? Let’s go!

The Problem: The Burden of People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is something many of us do, often without even realizing it. We want to make others happy, and that’s a beautiful intention! But when it starts to take a toll on your own happiness, it’s time to take a step back. Here are a few signs you might be a people pleaser:

  • Always Saying Yes: Even when your plate is full, or when you are sick or exhausted you find it hard to say no.
  • Feeling Responsible for Others’ Happiness: You believe it’s your job to make everyone around you feel good.
  • Neglecting Your Own Needs: Your own desires and health often come last.

Can you identify yourself in any of these signs? While being kind and accommodating is wonderful, this habit can lead to burnout and resentment. When you finally think about putting yourself first, that pesky guilt can creep in, making you worry about how others will react.

The Guilt Trap

Feeling guilty about wanting to take care of yourself is very common, especially among people pleasers. This guilt might show up in a couple of different ways:

  • Fear of Disapproval: You might worry that others will judge you for putting yourself first.
  • Internal Conflict: You feel torn between your needs and what others expect from you.
  • Self-Criticism: You might tell yourself you’re being selfish for even considering taking care of your needs.

What ways does guilt show up for you? Can you see how this internal tug-of-war can be exhausting?! Ready for some good news? Prioritizing your well-being is not only okay; it’s essential!

The Importance of Recognizing People-Pleasing

Let’s first take a look at recognizing the signs that you are a people-pleaser. It’s important to recognize your patterns around people-pleasing so that you can take up space & receive without shame or judgement. Recognizing your patterns around people-pleasing is also vital for your mental and emotional health. It allows you to understand the impact it has on your life and relationships. The downfalls of not changing your behavior can include:

  • Burnout: Constantly catering to others can leave you feeling exhausted and depleted.
  • Resentment: Over time, neglecting your own needs can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment towards those you’ve tried to please.
  • Loss of Identity: Focusing solely on others can make you lose sight of your own desires and passions. Until little by little, piece by piece, you lose yourself.

Are you experiencing any of these symptoms? If you are, deciding to take care of yourself is a significant step toward reclaiming your happiness and well-being. It’s about recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Embracing Self-Care

When you prioritize self-care, it’s important to remember that not everyone will understand or react positively. In fact, they may even try to sabotage your efforts. Some may feel disappointed or confused when you start putting yourself first. But here’s the thing: So what? Their feelings are not your responsibility. You owe no one an explanation for choosing to care for yourself.

Incorporating relaxation tools into your self-care routine can be incredibly beneficial. For instance, using an aromatherapy diffuser can help create a calming atmosphere in your space. This diffuser not only fills your home with soothing scents but also promotes relaxation and mindfulness. You can check it out here.

By embracing self-care, you’re not only enhancing your own life but also setting a positive example for those around you. Remember, you train those around you how you wish to be treated. And – when you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to support others without feeling drained.

Can you see how prioritizing your well-being is essential for living a fulfilling life? Consider this – what is your next best step towards saying yes to yourself?

In love & light,

by Coach Wendy

Feeling Overwhelmed as a Sandwich Generation Caregiver? 4 Key Ways to Manage Expectations of Others!

Today, I want to address a significant pain point for many women in the sandwich generation: managing expectations of others.

Recently, I received an email from a woman who posed this question: Is it fair to expect to be treated the way I treat others?

As someone who balances caring for kids and aging loved ones, this woman pours her time, energy, and support into those she cares about because she genuinely cares. Yet, she often feels like the world just takes and takes without giving anything back. Can you relate?

She also questioned, If I ask for something—whether it’s help, understanding, or just a little kindness—do I have a right to feel upset if that request is ignored?

It’s completely natural to feel that way. We all want our needs acknowledged.

Her next concern was, Should I stop giving to those who don’t reciprocate what I give? On one hand, she wants to be generous and kind—that’s part of her identity. On the other hand, it feels draining when her efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated. Does this sound familiar?

She expressed a desire to remain true to herself but also doesn’t want to feel taken advantage of. So, how do we find that balance?

Here are a few strategies to consider:

  1. Communicate Clearly: If you have a need, express it. Sometimes people don’t realize what we want or need until we say it. We teach others how we wish to be treated—and sometimes we need to retrain them.
  2. Set Healthy Boundaries: It’s okay to protect your energy. If someone consistently takes but never gives, it might be time to reassess that relationship.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s okay to feel upset. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself grace.
  4. Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t change others, but you can change how you respond.

I believe in kindness and generosity, but it’s equally essential to take care of ourselves, especially as caregivers. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that you’re not alone.

To help you navigate these challenges, I’ve created a journal filled with prompts for peace of mind. If you’d like to explore these topics further and find some clarity, visit coach-wendy.com/journal to download your copy!

Thank you for reading! How do you manage your expectations of others? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Take care, and see you in the next post!

In love & light,