Tag / Aging parents

by Coach Wendy

Why Self-Care Seems So Impossible 🥵 AND How You Can Change That ✅

Are you someone who is so overwhelmed with work, aging parents and children that you don’t take time for yourself?    Are you screaming YES to me?

This brings up a question that I get all of the time:

1. Why does it seem so impossible at times?

Well first, as women, we have been conditioned by the patriarchy (F that!) to prioritize the needs of others before our own.  We know this is absolute rubbish and we are fighting back – again.

Then we have the pressure we impose on ourselves.  Do you ever notice yourself saying, “I’m fine” or “I’ve got this”.   We think we can add one more thing to our already overloaded plate and then before you know it, your shrimp slips off to the floor.  And you really like shrimp. (Thank you Elaine for that analogy!)

The feeling of it being impossible shows up as a result of:

  • Overcommitment: Taking on too many responsibilities can leave little room for self-care.   (Full plate, shrimp on floor)
  • Guilt: Many of us feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves, believing it’s selfish to step away.  (F that!)
  • Lack of Support: By not saying, “I need help.  Go do _________” it leads to all of these responsibilities piling up on YOU.

So you step out of that scenario and you decide to treat yourself to some aspect of self care.  Only to have this question show up:

2. Why does it seem like when I make a new commitment to self-care, it gets sabotaged?

First, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  When you decide to prioritize yourself and self-care, it’s common to encounter setbacks. Here are some reasons why your commitment to putting yourself first gets sabotaged:

  • Unexpected Responsibilities: Life is unpredictable, and new obligations are constantly popping up with no warning, pushing self-care to the back burner.
  • Internal Resistance: Sometimes, the desire to care for others can overshadow personal needs, leading to self-sabotage.
  • Plain old Sabotage: When you make a change, those around you see that as a threat.  As a threat, they will do whatever they can (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally) to go back to the way things used to be so that it is comfortable for them. 

There is good news though!  While the setbacks are real, there are effective strategies to help you reclaim your time and power:

1. Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with family members. Communicate your needs and the importance of self-care to those you support. This might mean designating specific times for personal activities or saying no to additional commitments that don’t serve your well-being.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Make self-care non-negotiable. Schedule it into your calendar just like any other important commitment. This could be as simple as taking a daily walk, practicing mindfulness, or doing something that brings you joy.  Do you remember joy?

3. Create a Support Network

Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand and are in a similar situation. Sharing experiences and resources can lighten the load and provide encouragement.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or journaling can help center your thoughts and reduce stress, making it easier to focus on your needs.

➡️ To get started, Download Your FREE 8 Days of Journaling Prompts for Peace of Mind here.⬅️

5. Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in your journey toward balance. Whether it’s a successful day of self-care or a moment of relaxation, recognizing these achievements can motivate you to continue prioritizing your well-being.

Here’s the thing.  Finding balance is undeniably challenging, AND it is not impossible. Now that you understand what might get in your way  and begin implementing simple strategies, you canreclaim your time and nurture yourself.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it’s a necessity.

In love & light,  

P.S.  Share this on to a friend who needs support ➡️🩷 

by Coach Wendy

A Man On The Inside Gets It All Right

#AManOnTheInside

Watching this show through the lens of a daughter whose mother has been in a care setting for 13 plus years, I can see that the writers of A Man On the Inside have done their homework.

✔️ Daughter grappling with her strained relationship with her dad and coping with her mother’s death oh and trying to balance work, a husband and three children.

✔️ The ever evolving dichotomy of the parent/child and child/parent dynamic.

✔️ Children not being there enough because they are busy – however you see yourself in this. I noticed myself a few times here, to be honest.

✔️ Gossip spreads faster in a ‘community’ than anywhere else in the world.

When your parent moves into a ‘community’ it brings up a LOT of emotions – not just for them. It brings up a LOT of emotions for you, too.

✔️ The feeling of needing to care for everyone else before caring for yourself.

✔️ Caring for your parent, for your children, working full time and still having time for your partner.

✔️ Exhaustion and wresting with the whole crazy part of it all.

✔️ Overwhelm and wishing you had peace of mind.

Having peace of mind is something you can have and your next best step to it is by grabbing your FREE Journal WITH 30 days of Journaling Prompts

Find out in 30 days what your life will look like when you are able to release all guilt, let go of worry, find balance and be present.

In love & light,

by Coach Wendy

Supporting Aging Parents: Understanding the Expenses of Home Care, Assisted Living, and Other Alternatives

My mom fell for the 3rd time in a span of about 6 months. When she got home from the hospital after the 3rd fall, with a concussion, split lip and two black eyes, I asked her what she wanted to do.

She said she wanted to live at a retirement community and in fact named the one that we ultimately moved her into.

Then it was up to me to figure out how she was going to pay for it.

I’d like to share with you my interview with my friend and colleague Joyce Blue as she shares her knowledge about one way to pay for care of an aging parent and that is through Long Term Care.

Then when you finish watching that, take a look at this document from a group that I belong to, Aging Connections, as it walks you through and explains options for seniors like home care, assisted living, hospice, etc.

Another resource you can look to for help in paying for care is the Veterans Administration. If your parent or your parent’s spouse was in the military and honorably discharged, you may be entitled to help. You can learn more here.

You can also pay for care from the assets from selling your parents real estate and contents.

Also, look into Medicaid or Medicare to see if that is an option.

The other smart thing to do, if your parent has not already, is to get council from an elder law attorney. They can help you to navigate around paying for care. While you are there it is also a good idea to ask about an estate plan for your parent, if they do not already have one in place.

Finally, do what I did when I asked my mom, ‘What do you want?, which is my abbreviated version of ‘the uncomfortable conversation.’ 

Find out what your parent wants as far as care – do they want to stay in their home, do they want to live in a community, do they want you to care for them, do they want to move in with a family member?

Once you know what they want, it’s time to think about what you want. Do you want to care for your parent? What will that look like for you? Will it be your parent living in your home? Will it be your parent living in a community?

These are big decisions to make. I’m happy to help you. I’ve helped many clients to help their aging parents while honoring themselves. You can click here to schedule your complimentary consultation.

🩷Coach Wendy

by Coach Wendy

🎄Assistance for the caretaker through holiday 🎁 stress

Tired, frustrated, exhausted?

The holidays are a-lot.

Then you add the layer of your aging parents on top of that?

It’s no wonder you find yourself drowning, unable to keep your head above water.

Which is why I’m inviting you to join in for conversation and a mastermind to help you through the holiday stress.

When:  Thursday, December 14th from 2-3:30 cst

Where:  Zoom!

Investment in lowering your holiday stress:  Only $47!

You’ll be able to meet and connect with others who are taking care of an aging parent (or they are beginning to worry) to share your overwhelm with a group that gets you.

You will be able to problem solve with the group and I’ll be doing some ‘sparkle seat’ coaching.

What do you think will be different for you after you join in?  

Feeling like you aren’t alone?  Finding the solutions to help make your holidays less stressful and overwhelming?

Click here to join us.

🩷Coach Wendy

by Coach Wendy

Raising your momma

I remember the struggles I went through as I was suddenly called on to make decisions for my mom’s care AND the role reversal that took place AND dealing with now having to be in control while at the same time not letting my mom feel that she’s lost control.

This pandemic and the lockdown gave me an opportunity to see if what I had been thinking of and pushing away for years could actually be something that I could be of service to others. So……..in August I created is a pilot course program to support adult children that are just beginning to caregiver to their aging parents transition from being the child into being the adult so they can come to terms with the role reversal and easily navigate what’s next…….becuase there is always a what’s next.

I identified the need for this program by not only remembering my journey but also by talking with other adult children who were or had cared for, were caring for or decided on care for their parent.

I remember the stress, worry, physical & emotional burnout and the feeling of being on a hamster wheel that I experienced.

Looking back, the lessons I learned, the self-care, and the strategies I put into place, I’m stronger and I feel much more capable deciding on and caring for my mom.

I knew that when it came time to care for my mom, that I was going to do it my way. I know that sounds selfish, so let me explain. When my mom was caring for my grandma, that was my mom’s whole world. She would spend nights and days and weeks at my grandmas – while my step-dad was home alone. She would make endless runs into town daily. She was so tired that she wasn’t making the best choices.

Even in the midst of this COVID pandemic, my mom is thriving. As a daughter, that is my greatest joy.

Even during this pandemic, mom is doing really well. She’s happy, feels safe and is enjoying life. And at 84, she is always busy.

It was not easy to take charge. My mom is stubborn and she fought me on it until that day that she had yet another fall (the 2nd in just a few months) and it was a bad one. She had two black eyes and a split lip. An evening spent in the hospital. The next day, I asked her, “Mom, what do you want to do?” She knew I was referring to how she was going to live out the rest of her life. She said, “I want to move to Waterford.” Well, I about fell off my chair because Waterford is a retirement community that I knew of by name. Mom had attended some lunch and learns at Waterford and got to know some of the residents and got to see how it operated.

What is know is, step-by-step, one next action by one next action, one day you’ll realize the roles have reversed.

There is a lot of value in getting used to being the adult & making decisions, feeling empowered to make decisions, getting some of your life back, having peace of mind as well as support, solutions & resources.

Are you the adult child who is just beginning to care for your aging parent? Are you looking to reduce stress, empower yourself to make decisions, reduce stress and get your life back?

I have just the thing you need. Solutions for anxiety, stress & feeling isolated while caring for your aging parent.

You can download your copy here.

If you are feeling anxious, stressed and isolated, you should know that there is another way to care for your aging parent. In this resource, I’ll share over a dozen solutions that have worked for me as I’m caring for my aging mother.

You are not alone.

❤️Coach Wendy