Recently, I found myself walking down the same street I walked years ago, when I was employed by someone else. Ugh. Being in that space, on that street, brought me right back to where I was those many years ago. And where I was – was a mess. I hated my job. I was nervous and anxious all of the time because I was so worried that I wasn’t doing this job, that I hated, right. I was scared to death to make a mistake.
That’s literally all I thought about during those years. Who’s going to yell at me now? Because trust me, it was a weekly if not daily occurrence. My confidence was in the toilet. And because that’s all I was focused on, I can see now, that I got more of it. You know what you know. When you know better, you do better. I think either Maya Angelou or Oprah Winfrey said something like that. Of course, in that moment, and in that space, I did not know this. Now that I do know better……….I’m sharing my insight with you.
Looking back now, I’m wondering, why did I care? Why was I so anxious and scared? It didn’t frigging matter. It was a sucky job and I did not belong there. So I left. And that was scary. What would have been even scarier, though, would have been staying.
Once I left, I began to shift out of survival mode. I began to calm down and think about myself. Which was a foreign concept because up to that point in my life, I only thought of others first. Always. Back then, beginning to think of myself and then giving myself permission to take care of myself – what is this concept? At first I thought I was being selfish. Looking at where I am now, I always take care of myself first. I have found that when I don’t, I do not have the energy or the love to give to others.
Anyway, back to walking down this street, present tense……..I realized that I was completely different. I am smiling, happy and very, very grateful for the woman I have become. I am now choosing to be in this space. I am choosing the people that I am spending my time with. I am thriving, not surviving.
Does this sound familiar? Do you feel like you are in survival mode? I have a secret to tell you – you can change that! I know this to be true because I did it.
What does thriving look like to you? What needs to happen in order for you to thrive?
P.S. If you are looking for community and connection, I invite you to join my private FB group Life-On Purpose. This is a community of individuals who are seeking to live their lives authentically and purposefully AND happily. Join us!