Parents.

They are so resistant to our help!  

We just want them to be safe, right?

Here are some solutions for when you notice that some things just aren’t right with your parent and how to deal with a parent that is resistant to help.

What if?

Here’s a technique that I learned to use on my mom when she is resistant to my help.

Last winter, she was determined to go outside to fill the bird feeders.  In the ice and snow.  Of course all I can think is ‘she’s going to fall and she’s going to break a hip………..’ and on it goes.

Now, if I’d have said to her, ‘mom, don’t go outside, you’ll fall and break a hip’ that would have guaranteed her going outside.

Instead I used the what if technique.

Here’s how it works:

Mom:  Even though the patio is icy, I’m going out to feed the birds.

You:  What if you slip and fall?

Mom:  Someone will pick me up.

You:  What if no one notices that you fell?

Mom:  I’ll press my button.

You:  What if it no longer works because it needs a new battery?

Mom:  I’ll scream for help.

You:  What if you are unconscious?

Mom:  ”

…….after a short pause………..

Mom:  I think I’ll ask one of the nurses to go outside and fill the birdfeeders.

See what I did there?  She made the decision to ask for help. I didn’t tell her what to do.

The second tip I have for you is this – instead of saying something like, “Why haven’t you washed the dishes? There are dirty dishes all over the counter!”

Noticing

What you can say instead:

“I see that the dishes aren’t done.”
“I noticed that you put your purse in the refrigerator.”

This way, your parent doesn’t feel like you are accusing them of anything, you are merely noticing.

What is it that you are worried about with your aging parent? Is it their driving when they shouldn’t, taking their medications or something else?

Let me know in the comments below.

Here’s to you using the what-if and noticing methods with your aging parents so that they stay safe and your stress level is lowered.

🩷Coach Wendy

#ParentalResistance #ElderlyCare #SafetyFirst #CommunicationTips #WhatIfTechnique #ObservationSkills #StressReduction